Chimps At Work

Ford's "Smart Truck" Shows Its Stuff

2010-09-10T10:08:00.003-05:00

Ford F-250 Tri-Flex is World's First "Smart" Truck

Recovery Summer

2010-08-27T09:02:00.001-05:00

$800 Billion Later...

2010-08-27T08:52:00.002-05:00

Here's something to think about: 8,000,000 jobs lost, $800 billion plus spent on stimulus...

For what we wasted on the Democrats’ pet projects and union payoffs, we could have hired every single unemployed person in America to spend $100,000 over the course of one year. Money that would have gone back into the economy in mortgage payments, rent, car payments, appliance purchases, groceries, clothing, travel, entertainment and more.

How stimulating would that have been?

More here.

See also, Democrat Colorado Senator Michael Bennet: Trillions in debt and nothing to show for it.

When in Rome...

2010-08-24T07:15:00.002-05:00

Apparently wanting to fit in with the commoners while vacationing, President Barack Obama was caught wearing the best selling t-shirt in Martha's Vineyard this summer.

Obama's New Campaign Slogan: "Reach for Hope"

2010-08-17T10:31:00.001-05:00

Droid Does...

2010-08-14T09:11:00.003-05:00

... blow past iPhone, pushing the Apple smartphone OS into third place.

We're Baaaaaack!

2010-08-14T08:46:00.001-05:00

Yes indeed, we are back and will be posting regularly again.

An Indecent Proposal

2008-02-16T07:28:00.001-05:00

Shamelessly stolen, title and all, from BabbleFest. (O.K., actually, we asked.)

Look Before You Buy

2007-12-15T08:33:00.000-05:00

[Reprinted by permission from Personal and Family Finance]

In the run up to Christmas, the rush to get the perfect gift, or the gift someone really wants, can lead to some bad decisions and wasted money. Not everyone can be an expert on every subject, and that is certainly true of high tech gadgets. It’s easy to end up with the wrong thing, or something much more expensive than needed, especially when you don’t know much about the product and you are relying entirely on a salesperson or sales literature. One way to minimize these risks is to be an educated shopper, and know at least the basics about the item you are shopping for.

The blog Tech Toys Explained published the following helpful list, reprinted here by permission. Please note, these are not websites actually selling the specific items, they are informational sites with tons of information.

Apple iphone

Personal Digital Assistant (pda)

Security Cameras

all about Satellite TV and Radio

all about HDTV

What You Need To Know About Digital Photography

High Definition Video Cameras

Bluetooth Basics

Broadband Internet

Cellular Phones

Digital Cameras

GPS Devices

HDTV

LCD and Plasma Televisions

mp3

VOIP

the Apple iPhone

Time is Running Out - if You're Still Not Ready for Christmas

2007-12-10T13:30:00.000-05:00

Here are a couple of sites worth visiting if you're looking for tips or hints on decorating or shopping; traditions, trivia, games to occupy the kids, or pretty much anything that says "Christmas":

Christmas Magic

all about Christmas

Looking for Christmas gift Ideas? Try

Holiday Gift Ideas

Merry Christmas ... or, if you prefer, Happy Holidays.

This is Not Your Father's "Nutcracker"

2007-11-29T15:59:00.001-05:00

Remedial Geography for Mexican Nationals

2007-11-27T22:08:00.000-05:00

Purdue University Joins the Cover-Up!

2007-06-20T10:13:00.000-05:00

Purdue University has generated a 3-D computer simulation furthering the LIE that muslim terrorists in hijacked jets, not the evil Chimpy McBushHitler and his secret cadre of demolitions experts using invisible explosives, caused the 9/11 disaster. Quick, somebody call Rosie O'Dumbass to get her mouth in gear explaining why Purdue is now in on the conspiracy!

You can read about this ridiculous effort at hiding the truth, carried out by, like, actual engineers and professors and experts and stuff, here.

Or, you can just go ahead and believe the idiotic theories put forth by REAL authorities, like film-school dropouts and pizza-delivery boys, in their little films.

Sharp as a Sack of Wet Leather

2007-05-09T04:51:00.000-05:00

Well, at least the Democrats in congress have got their priorities in order. They won't fund troops in the field unless they get to run the war, a notion unique in U.S. history and directly contrary to the U.S. Constitution, and they'd rather spend intelligence money on global warming research than on stupid stuff like, say, gathering intelligence on terrorists and other enemies.
From the Washington Times:

The House next week will consider the Democrat-crafted Intelligence Authorization bill, which includes a provision directing an assessment of the effects that climate change has on national security.
"Our job is to steal secrets," said Rep. Peter Hoekstra of Michigan, the ranking Republican on the Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence.
"There are all kinds of people analyzing global warming, the Democrats even have a special committee on this," he told The Washington Times. "There's no value added by the intelligence community here; they have no special expertise, and this takes money and resources away from other threats."
Democrats, who outnumber Republicans on the committee, blocked the minority from stripping the warming language from the bill. Intelligence panel Chairman Silvestre Reyes, Texas Democrat, said the climate-change study is one of several shifts his party has made to intelligence policy.
"We're concerned that global warming might impact our ability to maintain national security," he told The Times, describing the idea as "cutting edge."

"Cutting edge." Yeah. There's a Warner Brothers cartoon where Foghorn Leghorn describes somebody as being "about as sharp as a sack of wet leather." Shifting intelligence policy from gathering intelligence to studying global warming. Yep. About as sharp as a sack of wet leather.

"Skyrocketing" Deficit Still Plummeting Like a Stone

2007-05-01T17:32:00.000-05:00

From Babblefest, a tongue-in-cheek look at the actual state of the economy, one of this country's best kept secrets, entitled "That Darned Incompetent President Bush":

The Bush administration just can't do anything right.

First, all numbers have demonstrated that his "tax cuts for the rich" in fact resulted in the rich paying more taxes, the middle class paying less taxes, and millions of lower-income workers being dropped from the tax rolls completely. Of course, that's what the administration said they were trying to accomplish, but you know whatever they say is a lie, and they really meant to cut taxes for the rich.

Now come more numbers that show that Bush's plan to cut the deficit in half by the end of his second term, which, of course, we all know was a lie to cover up the
"skyrocketing" deficit, is also a bust. In fact, Bush's "skyrocketing" deficit
has dropped from $455 billion in April 2004 to $145 billion. And without raising
taxes! In fact, unless someone intervenes - and quickly - to slow economic
growth by, say, raising taxes, at this rate the deficit will disappear entirely by 2009. Clearly, this administration is completely incompetent, if not criminal, in their handling of the economy.

Check the whole thing. Lots of numbers, courtesy of a private investment resource.

Let's get ready to rumble...

2006-04-07T12:56:00.000-05:00

The Box Under Bill & Hillary's Bed

2006-02-25T00:18:00.000-05:00

When Bill and Hillary first got married Bill said, "I am putting a box
under the bed. You must promise never to look in it."

In all their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked. On the
afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the better of her and
she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were 3 empty beer cans
and $81,874.25 in cash.

She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew
what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why there even was
such a box with such contents.

That evening, they were out for a special anniversary dinner. After
dinner, Hillary could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed,
saying, "I am so sorry, Bill. For all these years I kept my promise and
never looked into the box under our bed. However, today, the temptation
was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know, why do you keep the
3 beer cans in the box?"

Bill thought for a while and said, "I guess after all these years you
deserve to know the truth, Whenever I was unfaithful to you, I put an
empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again."

Hillary was shocked, but said, "Hmmm, Jennifer, Paula, and Monica. I am
very disappointed and saddened by your behavior. However, since you are
addicted to sex, I guess it does happen and I guess 3 times is not that bad
considering your problem."

Bill thanked her for being so understanding. They hugged and made their
peace.

A little while later Hillary asked Bill, "So why do you have all that money
in the box?"

Bill answered: "Well, whenever the box filled up with empty cans, I took
them to the recycling center and redeemed them for cash."

[received via email - if you know the origin, please let us know]

New Landmark to redefine N.O. as the "Chocolate City"

2006-01-26T14:23:00.000-05:00

President Hiallry's First Night in Office

2006-01-20T03:23:00.000-05:00

Hillary Clinton gets elected President and is spending her first night in the White House. She is lying in bed when the ghost of George Washington appears, and Hillary asks, "How can I best serve my country?"

Washington responds, "Never tell a lie."

"Ouch!" says Hillary, "I don't know about that."

The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears. Hillary asks, "How can I best serve my country?"

Jefferson says, "Listen to the people."

"Ohhh!" says Hillary. "I really don't want to do that."

On the third night, the ghost of Abe Lincoln appears and Hillary asks, "How can I best serve my country?"

Lincoln answers, "Go to the theater."

[found this at Valencia Falls]

Rove Implicated In Identity Leak

2005-12-28T09:34:00.000-05:00

December 21, 2005

WASHINGTON, DC—The recent leak revealing Santa Claus to be "your mommy and daddy" has been linked to President Bush's senior political adviser and deputy chief of staff Karl Rove, who stands accused of revealing the non-existence of Santa (below).

"If this devastating leak, which severely undermines the security of children everywhere and has compromised parent-child relations, came from the highest levels of the White House, that is an outrage," said former Bush counterterrorism adviser and outspoken Bush Administration critic Richard Clarke.

The identity of the mythical holiday gift-giver, previously known only in grown-up circles, was published in the popular Timbertoes cartoon in the December issue of Highlights For Children. Jean Abrams, a conservative firebrand known to have close ties to Bush appointees in the Department of Education, revealed "Santa" to be a code name for anonymous parental gift-giving.

Abrams and several other children's-magazine journalists, including Ranger Rick's Kristin Brittany and Cricket managing editor Shaina Belowitz, have testified before a federal grand jury on the source of the leak. Sources say that Randall Polk, Washington bureau chief for Weekly Reader, named Rove after serving eight days in jail for refusing to divulge his sources.

Federal investigators began to suspect a White House connection to the Santa leak when Abrams wrote in Timbertoes that the character of Pa had some "devastating information" on "very high authority."

"Did you know that Santa Claus is really just your mommy and daddy?" Pa's dialogue read. "It's true. Sometimes parents tell little white lies to their children to make them feel special."

Clarke criticized the leak as "foolhardy," saying it was "the kind of conduct you would expect from dangerous zealots who routinely confuse short-term political gain with the national interest."

"This leak compromises generations of undercover work on the part of U.S. parents," Clarke said. "Consider all the covers that will be blown, all the secret gift-hiding places that will be exposed."

The motivations behind the leak remain unclear, but some political observers have characterized it as a calculated act of retribution against Fairfax, VA second-grader Madison Harris. Harris, 7, wore an antiwar T-shirt to her elementary school during a Nov. 2 visit by Education Secretary Margaret Spellings.

"The shirt, decorated with doves and the word 'peace,' angered White House ideologues, who felt that Harris had undermined a tightly orchestrated visit," independent political media watchdog Ellen Applebee said. "An aggressive attempt to hit Harris where she lived was set in motion."

On Nov. 3, Rove told reporters, "People shouldn't take too seriously the opinions of someone who still thinks a fat man slides down the chimney into her living room every December 25."

On Nov. 6, he told several aides, "I don't consider it precocious to wear peace T-shirts and, from what I hear, read Highlights."

Applebee cited these comments as evidence of "Rove's deliberate campaign against Harris."
During that same week, Rove is also believed to have placed calls to several of the children's-magazine journalists who were later called before the grand jury.

If Rove is responsible for leaking Santa's identity to the world's children, it would not be his first political "dirty trick." In 1988, he was fired from George H. W. Bush's presidential campaign for sending an unsigned letter to the young daughter of a Dukakis campaign adviser. In the letter, he revealed the sad ending of the film Old Yeller.

On Capitol Hill, many say they believe that the damage has already been done. Clarke cited the absence of Santas from several department stores across the country as possible evidence that their compromised identities fatally damaged their credibility.

"I don't envy parents of young children right now," Clarke said. "Trust has been shattered. I wouldn't be surprised if some moms and dads are forced into hiding."

[I received this in an e-mail and have no idea where it originated. Please let me know if you have any information about the original source]

The Office Christmas Party

2005-12-13T14:56:00.000-05:00

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 4th
RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...please feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if the Managing Director shows up dressed as Santa Claus!

A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time;however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! The Managing Director will make a special announcement at the party.

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Pauline
____________________________________________________________

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 5th
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday,which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. From now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party". The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians.

There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Pauline.
_______________________________________________________________

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 6th
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!!

How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?

Forget about the gift exchange. No gift exchange allowed now since the Union Officials feel that $10.00 is too much money and Management believes $10.00 is a little cheap. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Pauline.
__________________________________________________________________

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 7th
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party!

Seriously,we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag.

Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restroom, gays are allowed to sit with each other, lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men's table too.

To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross dressing allowed.

We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food. We suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts.

Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?

Pauline.
______________________________________________________________

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All $#%$#@@#$&* Employees
DATE: November 8th
RE: The #$%@#$@!%$# Holiday Party

Vegetarians, I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not. So, you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death"as you so quaintly put it.

You'll get your #%#@$#@#$ salad bar, including organic tomatoes, but you know tomatoes have feelings too!! They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'M HEARING THEM SCREAM RIGHT NOW!!

Hope you all have a rotten holiday. Go drink, drive and die!!

The $%#%$@*&^$%# !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_________________________________________________________________

FROM: John Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 9th
RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery, and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.

In the meantime, Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party.

Cindy Sheehan victimized by right-wing media!

2005-12-02T10:27:00.000-05:00

Cindy Sheehan, media darling of the “anti-war” movement, is now complaining that she is being unfairly treated by the media.

Sheehan, already exposed as dishonest (“all I want is a meeting” – which of course she’d already had) and a raving anti-semitic (yes, she really said those things, even if the NY Times won’t print it), now reveals just how self-absorbed and self-important her self-centered “movement” is. Editor and Publisher reports that Cindy is upset that the media portrayed her book signing and anti-war rally, attended by maybe 100 people, as a flop:

NEW YORK Antiwar activist Cindy Sheehan and her book publisher are upset about Associated Press and Reuters photos that allegedly presented a misleading impression of her book signing last weekend in Texas.

Well, no, Cindy, “misleading” is when you imply that your son Casey was “a boy” considering “the priesthood” who was taken advantage of by big bad recruiters who misled him. Casey Sheehan was in fact a twenty-four year old man who made a man’s decision to reenlist while there was a war going on. He made another man’s decision to volunteer for the rescue mission on which he was killed. And Casey Sheehan persisted in that decision to volunteer after reminded that his classification as a mechanic’s helper made him exempt.

Cindy’s apparent inability to distinguish fact from fiction allows her to believe that a rally and book signing attended by 100 people or fewer is a big event. And her peculiar view of reality seems to have rubbed off on the publisher, who thinks the event was a “huge success”

The Washington Post, which carried Evan Vucci's AP photo, noted that at a protest the same day Sheehan had addressed a crowd of only about 100. “In the morning,” the Post observed, “Sheehan signed copies of her new book, being published this week, for an even smaller crowd,” although it cited bad weather as a possible factor.

But in a statement today, Sheehan accused “right-wing” sites of “spreading a false story that nobody bought my book at Camp Casey on Saturday. That is not true, I sold all 100 copies and got writer's cramp signing them. Photos were taken of me before the people got in line to have me sign the book. We made $2000 for the peace house.”

Her publisher, Arnie Kotler at Koa Books, meanwhile released a letter to her supporters, charging that “AP and Reuters posted photos - I can't imagine why - of Cindy sitting at the book table between signings, rather than while someone was at the table. And now the smear websites are circulating an article, with these photos, that Cindy gave a signing and nobody came. It's simply not true…. the benefit books signing in Crawford, Texas on November 26, 2005 was well attended and a huge success.”

AP photographer Evan Vucci responded that he was at the book signing from 10:00 a.m. to 11:00 a.m., that at the time the pictures were taken, about five people had been in, and a few small groups continued to arrive later.

[also posted at GeoBandy]

Man mistaken for deer, left dead on roadside for days

2005-11-30T14:18:00.000-05:00

Now here's a gruesome little news item for you:

FRANKLIN, Pa. -- Pennsylvania police said a man who died after being struck by a vehicle may have been left on a roadside for days because his body was apparently mistaken for a dead deer.

Police said the man was found on Monday by a motorist, who at first thought the man was a deer because of tan clothing and snow that covered part of his body.

The motorist realized the man wasn't a deer after noticing his shoes.

Authorities believe that many others drove past the body, assuming it was a deer. Police said the man was a passenger in a vehicle that wrecked last Friday.

Police said he'd been walking along the road when he was hit and killed by another vehicle.

Maybe the hit-skip driver who hit and killed him and then left the scene and never reported it also thought he was a deer. Right? Yeah, sure.

A Thanksgiving Story

2005-11-22T10:04:00.000-05:00

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

[also posted at GeoBandy]

Public schools sponsor anti-Bush "field trip"

2005-11-05T08:03:00.000-05:00

Posting at BabbleFest, J.P Jones reports on a school-sponsored trip to an anti-US anti-Bush hatefest:

From Neil Boortz' website:

If you are sending your child to a government school for their daily programming, chances are overwhelming that your bundle of joy is going to wind up becoming a liberal Democrat. Today, courtesy of The Los Angeles Unified School District, we're going to show you how it's done.

There was a Bush-bashing rally being held in Los Angeles the other day. It was called "The World Can't Wait – Drive Out the Bush Regime." Eager for as many people to attend as possible, the school district allowed 800 high school students from 10 schools to walk right out of class to attend. No word if they were given extra credit for their participation.

On top of that, adult staff were supplied to accompany them, and buses were provided for their return. That's right...taxpayer money being spent for the whole thing. Now stop and ask yourself something for a minute...suppose an anti-Hillary Clinton rally were being held. Would the same courtesy be extended? Of course not. The students wouldn't even be given the time of day to attend.

But because it was an event protesting the evil George Bush....the liberal, leftist, bedwetting school administration jumped right on board. Those who send their children off to be indoctrinated in government schools should take note.

Through the wonder of modern technology which is the internet, we don't have to guess at what went on at this school-sponsored day trip.

Courtesy of Little Green Footballs, we have available a photographic sampling of the fine educational fare made available to the kiddies at taxpayer expense, compiled and published by the seemingly ever-present Zombie. Check out the photo gallery for yourself, and watch for the three main themes: Communism is the world's salvation, 9/11 was perpetrated by the US government, and, of course, President Bush is evil/retarded/Hitler/a chimp.

Remember, some school administrators decided this was a wise expenditure of taxpayers' dollars. Do you know what they're doing in your kids' schools? Maybe you better find out.

[also posted at GeoBandy]

Never Underestimate the Power of Makeup!

2005-10-26T08:02:00.000-05:00

Halloween pumpkin carving

2005-10-18T12:51:00.000-05:00

With Halloween approaching, we thought we'd share these instructions on "How to Carve a Pumpkin". The simple faces using geometric shapes we did when I was a kid are no longer the norm, as more and more people buy pumpkin carving kits, complete with elaborate patterns to transfer to the pumpkin, resulting in intricately detailed pictures, as opposed to simple faces. So here you go, complete, detailed procedures for getting an impressive looking carved pumpkin onto your front porch.

<http://www.liquidgeneration.com/sabotage/pumpkin_carve.asp>

2005 deficit down almost 23%, better than Europe or Japan

2005-10-17T23:21:00.000-05:00

USA Today reports on the federal government’s deficit figures for the 2005 fiscal year, which ended September 30. As I have previously reported, increased tax revenues resulting from the tax cut-fueled economic expansion (growth rate at around 4%) has resulted in a huge increase in tax revenues collected by the government.. The result is that the deficit has dropped nearly 23% in one year, leaving the US with a lower deficit rate than western European nations or Japan.

So why do so many on the left and in the mainstream media continue to talk about the economy in negative terms and harp on “skyrocketing” deficits? Because that’s what the agenda calls for, no matter what the actual facts may be.

WASHINGTON — The federal deficit hit $319 billion for the budget year that just ended, down significantly from last year's record red ink, although a surge in Katrina-driven spending promises to drive the shortfall up again.

The improvement from the record $412 billion recorded in the 2004 budget year, which the Treasury Department reported on Friday, is largely due to a surge in federal revenues from an improving economy.

Although the 2005 shortfall was the third-highest ever recorded in absolute terms, White House officials -- and most economists -- say the most important measure of the deficit is its size compared to the economy.

In those terms, the deficit measured 2.6% of gross domestic product. The 2004 deficit, by contrast, equaled 3.6% of GDP. That is well below the post-World War II worst-ever record, a 6% figure set in 1983 under President Reagan.

It is also lower than the government budget deficits for many industrialized countries. Although the European Union officially requires its members to keep deficits at 3% or lower, France, Germany and the United Kingdom currently run government budget deficits exceeding that goal, while Italy's budget deficit tops 4%. Japan's budget deficit averaged almost 6% from 1994 to 2003 and now approaches 7%.

So deficits are not skyrocketing, our deficit compares very favorably with other major industrialized nations, and, best of all, these are real figures for the past year, not imaginary numbers. You would think all this economic good news would be big news, front page news, tv newscast lead story news.

Well, you would think so, if the goal of the news organizations was to actually report news.

A picture is worth a thousand words...

2005-09-30T09:08:00.000-05:00

New address for HISTORIUM

2005-09-29T21:17:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite sites, HISTORIUM, has relocated to a new address, HERE. Scriptor does a nice job with generally relatively short posts on a wide variety of primarily historical topics. After a late-summer hiatus and some relocation dislocation (moving is always a pain in the posterior) he's back to posting regularly. Stop by the new place and visit a spell.

Priceless...

2005-09-28T15:02:00.000-05:00

Never Forget

2005-09-11T00:26:00.000-05:00

Disaster relief in the age of entitlements

2005-09-09T10:34:00.000-05:00

I'll be taking an early retirement.

Yes sir, I've just stumbled across my ticket to an early retirement on Easy Street!

For the reasonable fee of $250 per person (I'm not greedy) plus expenses (round trip fare) I'm going to charter buses in Cleveland, Ohio, and run them down to Houston so my clients can collect their $2000 government hand-out debit cards. I'll collect my fees and expenses from my clients, in cash, at the first ATM we see on the return trip.

Got proof of residency? "Washed away in the flood."

Got identification? "Washed away in the flood."

Somebody thinks this is a good idea. How long do you figure it will be before somebody actually implements my "early retirement plan"? Wanna bet somebody is already operating some variation of my plan? Wanna bet they end up giving out more cards than the total adult population of Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama combined?

I remember when disaster relief meant somebody set up some temporary shelters, and you got a place to sleep, a shower, toilet facilities, and something to eat. Probably hot dogs, beans and macaroni and cheese, washed down with water or powdered drink mix.

And people were grateful.

Now we have people stampeding (according to an ABC tv broadcast this morning) and all-but rioting because they aren't getting their $2000 cash card fast enough.

I guess that's disaster relief in the age of entitlements. They figure somebody owes them something, as opposed to being thankful that somebody reaches out to help.

And for the benefit of those morons who want to turn Katrina relief efforts into a racial issue, let me point out to you that across the midwest, every year, hundreds, and some years, thousands, of folks are left homeless and destitute by tornadoes. Nobody rushes in to give them $2000 cash cards less than two weeks after the disaster. And quite frankly, most of them are white.

Katrina still a powerful storm hours later, hundreds of miles north

2005-08-31T15:09:00.000-05:00

This image, from ABC Channel 5, shows a car in a flooded intersection last night, August 30, in the wake of the rains dumped by Hurricane Katrina... in Cleveland, Ohio.

For the storm to still pack that kind of punch when it reached the shores of Lake Erie gives you some sense of the power and magnitude of this hurricane.

This car is not in a flooded streambed. This car is just off the road surface. Note the pole and the trucks on the roadway in the background. And Lakeshore Blvd., for those not familiar with the Cleveland area, is about as far north as you can get without landing in the lake.

Three things to think about

2005-08-25T01:59:00.000-05:00

THREE THINGS THAT WE MUST THINK ABOUT IN THE YEARS TO COME:
COWS, THE CONSTITUTION, AND THE TEN COMMANDMENTS

COWS

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington. And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give them all a cow.

CONSTITUTION

They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years and we're not using it anymore.

TEN COMMANDMENTS

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a Courthouse! You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery" and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians! It creates a hostile work environment!

(Anybody out there know anything about the origin of this one?)

The Boys of Camp Cindy

2005-08-18T12:49:00.000-05:00

This is NOT a photoshop image or retouched photo. This is an AP photo available on Yahoo News here.

Factcheck: anti-Roberts ad "false" and "misleading"

2005-08-11T09:20:00.000-05:00

In the last post we pointed you to Power Line's exposure of the despicably slanderous falsehoods contained in an attack ad launched against Judge Roberts by a pro-abortion group.

Factcheck.org is in agreement, pronouncing the ad both "false" and "misleading":

An abortion-rights group is running an attack ad accusing Supreme Court nominee John Roberts of filing legal papers “supporting . . . a convicted clinic bomber” and of having an ideology that “leads him to excuse violence against other Americans” It shows images of a bombed clinic in Birmingham, Alabama.

The ad is false.

And the ad misleads when it says Roberts supported a clinic bomber. It is true that Roberts sided with the bomber and many other defendants in a civil case, but the case didn't deal with bombing at all. Roberts argued that abortion clinics who brought the suit had no right use an 1871 federal anti-discrimination statute against anti-abortion protesters who tried to blockade clinics. Eventually a 6-3 majority of the Supreme Court agreed, too. Roberts argued that blockades were already illegal under state law.

The images used in the ad are especially misleading. The pictures are of a clinic bombing that happened nearly seven years after Roberts signed the legal brief in question.

Anybody heard all those lefty voices denouncing this pile of garbage?

Anybody heard that CNN has returned the $150,000 or whatever they've already been paid, and declined to run the ad?

Yeah, me neither.

(Originally posted at GeoBandy)

Bogus ad begins character assasination attack on Roberts

2005-08-10T22:22:00.000-05:00

John Hinderaker at POWER LINE has the lowdown on a despicable anti-Roberts media campaign now underway:

As a close observer of the political scene, I suppose I should be shock-proof. But what NARAL did today shocked me. It began running an anti-John Roberts television ad featuring Emily Lyons, victim of a 1998 bombing of an abortion clinic in Alabama that was carried out by Eric Rudolph. The ad goes as follows:

Announcer: "Seven years ago a bomb destroyed a woman's health clinic In Birmingham, Alabama."

Lyons: ""The bomb ripped my clinic. I almost lost my life. I will never be the same."

Announcer: ""Supreme Court nominee John Roberts filed court briefs supporting violent fringe groups and a convicted clinic bomber."

Lyons: "I am determined to stop this violence, so I'm speaking out."

It is not easy to fit so many lies and distortions into a 30-second commercial. The case referred to by NARAL is Bray v. Alexandria Clinic; you can read the Supreme Court's opinion here. The Bray case was decided in 1993; John Roberts was one of six Justice Department lawyers who signed an amicus brief on behalf of the federal government, and he argued the case for the government. You can read the government's brief here.

After providing, as usual, links to the original source material, POWER LINE discusses in detail the somewhat technical legal aspects of the case, and reaches the following conclusion. Which is, I might add, correct:

So NARAL misrepresents the Bray case in every particular. Roberts didn't "support violent fringe groups" or a "convicted clinic bomber." He supported the federal government's position on a specific question of law--correctly, as the Court found. NARAL's reference to a "convicted clinic bomber" is especially outrageous. The Bray case had nothing to do with a bombing by Eric Rudolph or anyone else, and Rudolph attacked the Birmingham clinic--the bombing that is referred to in the NARAL ad--eight years after Roberts wrote the brief on the Section 1985(3) issues.

For NARAL to suggest that John Roberts has ever done anything to support violence against abortion clinics (or anything else) is so far outside the bounds of civilized debate that one can hope that, even in today's far-gone Democratic Party, sane voices will be raised to denounce NARAL's advertising campaign.

Unfortunately, I’d bet those “sane voices” denouncing this disgusting slanderous crap will be few and far between. Remember, you are talking about the party that plopped Michael Moore down in a box of honor at its convention. The party that still thinks Dan Rather is a “journalist” and Jimmy Carter is a “statesman”. I wouldn’t count too much on a whole lot of sanity out of that crowd. This is the party that never once denounced, or even debated, any of the slanderous nonsensical Bush-bashing babblings of the 2004 campaign.

An election which, by the way, Bush won…by a majority vote.

Dear Abby

2005-08-09T12:17:00.000-05:00

From an e-mail I received:

Dear Abby,

My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows he cheats on me. It is so humiliating.

Also, since he lost his job five years ago he hasn't even looked for a new one.All he does is buy cigars and cruise around and joke with his pals, while I have to work to pay the bills.

Since our daughter went a way to college he doesn't even pretend to like me and hints that I am a lesbian.

What should I do?

Signed, Clueless

Dear Clueless:

Grow up and dump him.

For Pete's sake, you don't need him anymore. You're a United States Senator from New York, act like it.

"Stinkhorn" sets off search for corpse in Germany

2005-08-02T14:23:00.000-05:00

The odor given off by an unusually large fungus in Germany was so foul that it sparked off a police hunt for a corpse, authorities said Sunday.

A spokesman for police in the eastern city of Dresden said that following reports from local people about the smell, five officers and a sniffer dog went to investigate in a forest close to the German-Czech border.

"Then they discovered this gigantic stinkhorn," he said, referring to the fetid-smelling, oddly-shaped fungus with the Latin name Phallus impudicus. "Those things really do stink."

Police called off the search and retreated from the malodorous fungus, which German media said was over 20 cm long, much bigger than stinkhorns usually grow.

(Photo of stinkhorn fungus from Google archive)

A picture worth a thousand words

2005-07-28T11:12:00.000-05:00

25 Sure Signs You're a Grown-Up

2005-07-26T10:10:00.000-05:00

Received in an e-mail:

You Know You Have Grown Up When....

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "breakup."
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You take naps from noon to 6 PM when you can.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. If you're a gal, you go to the drug store for ibuprofen andantacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old butt.

(If you have any information about the origin of this list, please let us know.)

2005 Darwin Awards

2005-07-12T10:34:00.000-05:00

I just got this in an e-mail. I assume the link and attribution at the bottom are legitimate, so I'm including them. Haven't tried the link myself. Proceed at your own discretion.

The Darwin Awards 2005

Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are
bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here then, are the glorious
winners.

Darwin Award Winners:

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during
a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did
something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried
the trigger again. This time it worked..... And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting
machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his
insurance company. The company expecting negligence, sent out one of its men
to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The
chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a
blizzard in Chicago returned with his Vehicle to find a woman had taken the
space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from
Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the
driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free
ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the
staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.
The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head
wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he
could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter,
and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled
a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly
provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20
bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15.
(If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd
just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze,
and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the
window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of
Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed
her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able
to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the
police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to
the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there
for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's
the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger
King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun,demanded cash. The
clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register
without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they
weren't available for breakfast . The man, frustrated, walked away.

A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a
Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at
the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near
spilled sewage.

A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline
and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake.
The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the
best laugh he'd ever had.

In the interest of bettering human kind please share these with your friends
and family ... unless of course one of these 10 individuals by chance is a
distant relative or long lost friend. In that case be glad they are distant
and hope they remain lost.

--
NEW! Go to http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20050708
to rate this funny from 0 to 5.

Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List A cheerful heart is
good medicine... (Prov 17:22a)

Poetic Justice

2005-06-29T09:26:00.000-05:00

This is just too good to pass up:

Although it’s clearly a publicity stunt (and it’s working) someone has begun an inquiry into using eminent domain to seize the New Hampshire home of Associate Supreme Court Justice David Souter, who voted in the majority in the awful Kelo v. New London case authorizing eminent domain for tax base increases, for development as a hotel.

On Monday June 27, Logan Darrow Clements, faxed a request to Chip Meany the code enforcement officer of the Towne of Weare, New Hampshire seeking to start the application process to build a hotel on 34 Cilley Hill Road. This is the present location of Mr. Souter's home.

Clements, CEO of Freestar Media, LLC, points out that the City of Weare will certainly gain greater tax revenue and economic benefits with a hotel on 34 Cilley Hill Road than allowing Mr. Souter to own the land.The proposed development, called "The Lost Liberty Hotel" will feature the "Just Desserts Café" and include a museum, open to the public, featuring a permanent exhibit on the loss of freedom in America. Instead of a Gideon's Bible each guest will receive a free copy of Ayn Rand's novel "Atlas Shrugged."

Clements indicated that the hotel must be built on this particular piece of land because it is a unique site being the home of someone largely responsible for destroying property rights for all Americans.

"This is not a prank" said Clements, "The Towne of Weare has five people on the Board of Selectmen. If three of them vote to use the power of eminent domain to take this land from Mr. Souter we can begin our hotel development."

Since Souter voted in the majority in Kelo, he’ll certainly realize that the tax benefit to the town from a hotel outweighs any interest he has in the ownership of his home, right? And he’ll voluntarily sign it over for whatever value the town chooses, right?

Yeah, sure.

Why did I characterize this as a publicity stunt? The applicant is not a developer, he has a tiny internet media outlet, which he used to publish a press release, which people like me are now linking to like crazy.

On the other hand, it's just possible that, given any group of five New Hampshire residents, three of them may not be too kindly disposed to the Kelo decision...

Chocolate Math

2005-06-21T13:35:00.000-05:00

Received in an E-mail:

I don't know how it works but it does, go ahead try it yourself Your Age by Chocolate Math This is pretty neat! Check it out....

DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST!

It takes less than a minute....... Work this out as you read.... Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out! This is not one of those waste of time things, it's fun.

1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to have chocolate. (more than once but less than 10)

2. Multiply this number by 2 (Just to be bold)

3. Add 5 (for Sunday)

4.. Multiply it by 50 I'll wait while you get the calculator.................

5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1755......
If you haven't, add 1754

6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.

You should have a three digit number .

The first digit of this was your original number (i.e., how many times you want to have chocolate each week). The next two numbers are YOUR AGE! (Oh YES, it is!!!!!)

THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2005) IT WILL EVER WORK, SO SPREAD IT AROUND WHILE IT LASTS

June 6, 1944 -- D-Day

2005-06-06T13:52:00.000-05:00

There is nothing I, or anyone else, can say that will effect the importance of the events of June 6, 1944. Ultimately, the history of world events has judged, and will continue to judge, the effects and meaning of the titanic events of that day.In thinking about D-Day, and the tremendous sacrifice made on those bloody beaches, consider the following, which I find eerily appropriate:

But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow -- this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain…

The Normandy invasion was one major step in a world-wide clash of ideas and ideals, and those who gave their lives did so in an effort to save civilization from bloody and oppressive tyrants, from totalitarian regimes which believed that the individual human life was unimportant, which sought to impose and maintain their systems over others by force and terror, which held that the state had the right to determine the value of a human life based on the religious beliefs, ethnic heritage, or physical or mental condition of that life.

This struggle is not over. And those of us who are here today should be rededicated “to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain…”

NOTE: The quotes you will hopefully recognize. They are from Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address.

ALSO POSTED at GeoBandy

It isn't funny until someone gets hurt

2005-05-27T10:34:00.000-05:00

Someone sent this to me in an e-mail. I'm sure (at least I HOPE I'm sure) it's not a real news story, but I 'm absolutely sure it's pretty darn funny. If you know it's origin, let us know.

WHEATLEY, AR-Although reckless driving and minor driver impairment were cited as additional factors, police investigators ruled pure, unadulterated stupidity as the primary cause in the death of an unlicensed motorist involved in a single-car accident Sunday.

"We're fairly positive the deceased was operating under the influence of being an unbelievable dumbass," forensic investigator Evan Lawrence told reporters at the scene, a stretch of road littered with SUV parts, beer cans, food containers, fishing equipment, and pornography. "I mean, we're not saying alcohol, fatigue, poor vehicle maintenance, and driver error didn't play their parts-but mainly, that driver was a goddamn dipshit."

The violent and inane mishap occurred at approximately 4 p.m., just north of town, where Highway 63 passes beneath the railroad bridge.

A 25-page accident report released to the press Tuesday contained such details as "leg hooked through steering wheel so driver could use both hands to light cigarette,""handgun case slid under brake pedal, preventing it from being adequately engaged," and "carotid artery lacerated by bottle-opener bolted to dashboard."

Deputy Craig Zemke of the Lee County Highway Patrol said nothing in his 13 years on the force prepared him for the moronic things he saw.

"As soon as we rolled up, I turned to my partner and said, 'Jake, I can feel it in my bones: This is gonna be a stupid one,'" Zemke said. "When you approach an accident scene and see an inflatable doll stuck in the still-smoldering branches of a tree littered with the remnants of illegal fireworks-well, you know you're in for an idiotic sight."

Zemke's partner Jake Mills explained that, although it is often difficult for investigators to ascertain what might have triggered an accident, the cause of Sunday's accident was "immediately and pathetically obvious."

"See, usually, the vehicle's sudden-braking skid marks don't start a mere six feet from the concrete pillar," Mills said. "Usually, the vehicle doesn't have a gas tank held to its frame by a bungee cord and two leather belts. And, in almost all cases, the driver isn't halfway through the windshield with a half-bottle of Everclear grain alcohol in one hand and an electric nose-hair trimmer in the other."

"The police cruiser hadn't even stopped rolling by the time I'd penciled in 'stupidity' under 'cause of death,'" Mills added. "After that, I spent a few hours taking measurements, snapping photos, and shaking my head at what a dumbass this guy was."

Although investigators can't exactly reconstruct Sunday's chain of events, it appears that the driver-drunk, barefoot, pants-less, and leaving a double shift at a nearby FD&C Yellow No. 5 food-coloring plant-saw a train approaching on the right and stupidly decided to accelerate and beat it to the intersection.

"I deemed the motorist bone-stick-stone stupid for several reasons," Lawrence said. "First, no motorist should ever attempt to outrun an oncoming train. Second, no motorist should ever place an ashtray containing two lit cigarettes on top of a car seat drenched in 190-proof Everclear, as the scorch marks on the deceased's crotch will attest. Finally, and this is the real mind-blower, the accident occurred at a spot where the train tracks pass over the highway on their own bridge. Apparently, the numbnuts panicked when he saw the train approaching, veered off just before entering the underpass, and sent his truck into the bridge abutment. So even though 'stupid' barely begins to cover it, let's decide that it's an adequate description of the cause of death and leave it at that."

The moron's name is being withheld out of respect for his stupid family, which is preparing lawsuits against the Arkansas Highway Department, the Union Pacific Railroad, and the David Sherman Corporation, which produces Everclear.

Presidential Social Security Soundbites

2005-05-20T11:33:00.000-05:00

"[I]f you don't do anything, one of two things will happen. Either it will go broke and you won't ever get it, or if we wait too long to fix it, the burden on society...of taking care of our generation's Social Security obligations will lower your income and lower your ability to take care of your children...[It] would be horribly wrong and unfair to you and unfair to the future prospects of the United States." PRESIDENT CLINTON, GEORGETOWN, FEB. 9, 1998

"Perhaps our greatest opportunity and our greatest obligation at this moment is to save Social Security...It would be unconscionable if we failed to act, and act now..." PRESIDENT CLINTON, TOWN HALL MEETING, KANSAS CITY, APRIL 7, 1998

Remember now, boys and girls, the official Democrat position today is that "there is no crisis". Perhaps one of them could explain to me exactly what happened between 1998 and today to solve the problems they saw in 1998.

Originally posted at GeoBandy, 5/2/2005.

Fun with numbers

2005-05-19T14:37:00.000-05:00

Received in an e-mail:

UNBELIEVABLE MATH PROBLEM

Here is a math trick so unbelievable that it will stump you.
Personally I would like to know who came up with this. It is pretty
amazing
1. Grab a calculator. (you won't be able to do this one in your
head)
2. Key in the first three digits of your phone number (NOT the
area code)
3. Multiply by 80
4. Add 1
5. Multiply by 250
6. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number
7. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number again.
8. Subtract 250
9. Divide number by 2
Do you recognize the answer?

"Happy Slapping" spreads among British kids

2005-04-29T09:43:00.000-05:00

Everybody has a camera phone now, right? Well, everybody but me, anyway. British teens, and even pre-teens, have found a fun new use for the popular gizmos. It’s known as “Happy Slapping”:

But now there's a disturbing new trend emerging with the way some teens overseas are using these phones to videotape themselves slapping innocent bystanders.

***
Indications that "happy-slapping" may be spreading. British transport police investigating 200 incidents in the last six months.

Most, they say, go unreported.

***
The attackers then upload the video straight from the phone and onto the web, where there are dozens of images of slap-hapless victims.

***
Authorities say the craze was born in the club music scene, before catching on in school playgrounds.

I can see only one way to deal with this strange craze. I’m going to start a fund to send British kids to France for their summer vacation.

Small changes can make a big difference

2005-04-26T08:48:00.000-05:00

I got this in an e-mail, so unfortunately I don’t have a link for you.

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.Here are this year's {2005} winners:

1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly

3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

4. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

5. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

6. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

7. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

8. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

9. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature:

18. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an ass.

Climate changes threaten world food supply

2005-04-24T15:24:00.000-05:00

Consider the following, warnings from the scientific community concerning the effects of the changing climate on the world’s food supply:

There are ominous signs that the earth’s weather patterns have begun to change dramatically and that these changes may portend a drastic decline in food production – with serious political implications for just about every nation on earth.

***

The evidence in support of these predictions has now begun to accumulate so massively that meteorologists are hard-pressed to keep up with it. In England, farmers have seen their growing season decline by about two weeks since 1950, with a resultant over-all loss in grain production estimated at up to 100,000 tons annually. During the same time, the average temperature around the equator has risen by a fraction of a degree – a fraction that in some areas can mean drought and desolation. Last April, in the most devastating outbreak of tornadoes ever recorded, 148 twisters killed more than 300 people and caused half a billion dollars’ worth of damage in thirteen U.S. states.

To scientists, these seemingly disparate incidents represent the advance signs of fundamental changes in the world’s weather.

I’m no alarmist, no tree-hugging, whale-saving, bike-pedaling, candle-using environmentalist whack job, but those are sobering thoughts.

Those words are from the April 28, 1975 issue of NEWSWEEK magazine. You can view a PDF of the article here, as reproduced at Junk Science.

Incidentally, the next sentence after the spot where I left off the quote above reads as follows:

The central fact is that after three-quarters of a century of extraordinarily mild conditions, the earth’s climate seems to be cooling down.

Yessirree Bob, just thirty years ago it was a scientific “fact” that the earth’s climate was cooling down, and global cooling was going to cause mass famine and storms and floods and tornadoes and maybe another ice age and OH MY GOD THE GOVERNMENTS OF THE WORLD JUST AREN’T DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT!

Is any of this getting through to you “global warming” advocates out there?

HAPPY TAX DAY!

2005-04-15T00:48:00.000-05:00

6.6 BILLION hours just to do the paperwork!

AP) - People scurrying to meet Friday's tax deadline might consider this: It's taking you and your fellow Americans 6.6 billion hours to do all that paperwork. The basic tax return -- the Form 1040 filed by most people every year -- accounts for 1.6 billion hours. The Internal Revenue Service furnished those statistics to the White House budget office, which keeps tabs on the government's bureaucratic demands.

And when you're done contributing your chunk of that 6.6 BILLION hours and looking at how much of YOUR paycheck government takes and spends for you, go visit Citizens Against Government Waste and spend a few minutes looking into what government does with YOUR money.

The CIA had an opening...

2005-04-12T14:56:00.000-05:00

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews, and testing were done, there were three finalists. Two men and a woman.

For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!!!" The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said "You don't have what it takes, take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the instruction to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow.

"This gun is loaded with blanks", she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair".

Judge Reports for Jury Duty

2005-03-29T14:14:00.001-05:00

Judge Thomas Fuselier of Louisiana’s 13th Judicial District was summoned to report for jury duty. He just walked across the hall to the courtroom of the only other judge in the 13th Judicial District, where the trial of a couple accused of killing and then dismembering a Texas couple will take place.

The judge handled his courtroom matters before walking across the hall to his colleague's courtroom. Judge Larry Vidrine offered to excuse his fellow judge, but Fuselier refused.

"I ask people to show up for jury duty, and I will do the same," he said.

According to the AP story, the judge was not selected to serve on the jury.

Judge Reports for Jury Duty

2005-03-29T14:14:00.000-05:00

It's O.K. ... we're actually Irish ourselves

2005-03-16T11:31:00.000-05:00

There's a German, Scotsman and Irishman at a bar after work. Each has a full pint. 3 flies buzz into the bar and all of a sudden land in each of their beers. The German is fuming mad - "No way I drink this! Disgusting!" as he pushes the pint away.The Scotsman thinks for a minute, "ach, it ain't that bad. Ye jist pull oot the wee nipper like this...there ya go, fine as dandy." and proceeds to take a swig.The Irishmen is also mad, he plucks the fly out by its wings, holds it over the pint and yells, "Spit it out ya Bastard, spit it out!!!"

*************************************************

Two Irishmen, Patrick & Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.

Without giving much thought to the matter, Patrick blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into Guinness Beer!" The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished.

Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances. Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke: “Nice going Patrick! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat!”

*************************************************

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why of course," comes the reply. The first man then asks: "Where are you from?" "I'm from Ireland," replies the second man. The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland." "Of Course," replies the second man. Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?" "Dublin," comes the reply. "I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin.""Of course," replies the second man. Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?" "Saint Mary's," replies the second man. "I graduated in '65." "This is unbelievable!," the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '65, too!" About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's been going on?," he asks the bartender. "Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."

2005-03-11T11:03:00.000-05:00

Dan Rather's last BIG SCOOP

2005-03-09T11:32:00.000-05:00

With the departure of Dan Rather, CBS News seeks to improve its credibility...

What Goes Around, Comes Around

2005-03-08T13:35:00.000-05:00

Received this in an e-mail. Does anybody out there know if this is a true story? No time today to look it up!

His name was Fleming, and he was a poor Scottish farmer. One day, while trying to make a living for his family, he heard a cry for help coming from a nearby bog. He dropped his tools and ran to the bog. There, mired to his waist in black muck, was a terrified boy, screaming and struggling to free himself. Farmer Fleming saved the lad from what could have been a slow and terrifying death.

The next day, a fancy carriage pulled up to the Scotsman's sparse surroundings. An elegantly dressed nobleman stepped out and introduced himself as the father of the boy Farmer Fleming had saved.

"I want to repay you," said the nobleman "You saved my son's life."

"No, I can't accept payment for what I did," the Scottish farmer replied waving off the offer.

At that moment, the farmer's own son came to the door of the family hovel.

"Is that your son?" the nobleman asked.

"Yes," the farmer replied proudly.

"I'll make you a deal. Let me provide him with the level of education my own son will enjoy. If the lad is anything like his father, he'll no doubt grow to be a man we both will be proud of."

And that he did. Farmer Fleming's son attended the very best schools and in time, graduated from St. Mary's Hospital Medical School in London, and went on to become known throughout the world as the noted Sir Alexander Fleming, the discoverer of Penicillin.

Years afterward, the same nobleman's son who was saved from the bog was stricken with pneumonia.

What saved his life this time? Penicillin.

The name of the nobleman? Lord Randolph Churchill.
His son's name? Sir Winston Churchill.

Someone once said: What goes around comes around.

UPDATE: From the responsible party at PLANET MORON comes word that this is NOT a true story:

Unfortunately those things are almost always too good to be true!http://www.breakthechain.org/exclusives/fleming.html This is a great site for checking these things.

PLANET MORON, by the way, is definitely worth a few minutes of your time for a visit.

Globalization

2005-03-06T09:21:00.000-05:00

Received in an e-mail:

Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization?

Answer: Princess Diana's death.

Question: How come?

Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, riding in a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you change the spelling) followed closely by Italian Paparazzi,on Japanese motorcycles; treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines.

This is sent to you by an American, using Bill Gates' technology, and you're probably reading this on your computer, that use Taiwanese chips, and a Korean monitor, assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant, transported by Indian lorry-drivers, shipped by Indonesians, unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen and trucked to you by Mexicans.

That, my friends, is Globalization

if YOU ran social security it would be an illegal pyramid scheme

2005-03-04T08:51:00.000-05:00

Also posted at GeoBandy

If you ran an investment program structured the way Social Security is, you would end up in prison for running a fraudulent – and illegal – PYRAMID SCHEME.

Whether you are a fanatical Bush-hater or a Bush supporter, whether you are a leftist or a right-wing extremist, whether you support or oppose private accounts, IF YOU ARE SMARTER THAN MY FREAKIN’ TOASTER YOU HAVE GOT TO BE ABLE TO FIGURE OUT THAT SOCIAL SECURITY, AS IT STANDS, IS A TRAIN WRECK WAITING TO HAPPEN…and it won’t wait much longer.

I have previously written here and here, among other spots around the web, in support of Social Security reform. I’m in favor of partial privatization, and the sooner the better. But while it is a step in the right direction, private accounts as proposed by President Bush will not solve the problem because the proposal does not go far enough. The “head in the sand, there’s no problem” Democrats are full of crap and they know it. So are the Republicans who tout the proposals as a solution to the problem.

The politicians, of all colors, varieties, and flavors, WANT you to believe that this is very complex and technical…so they can play around and come up with some “solution” so complicated that YOU will never understand it. Or understand how they are taking you to the cleaners to pay for their brother-in-law’s government contract to paint the trash cans in downtown Podunk Center, out of the proceeds of which his painting company can make a nice contribution to the re-election campaign.

Let me say this one more time for the younger viewers out there: it is not rocket science. It is not even complicated. When the baby boomers retire, either the system will collapse or the retirement age and the social security payroll tax will both skyrocket. Period. We can play games all day long with actuarial charts and fiscal projections, but the fact is if the Social Security scam were being operated by anyone other than the government it would be illegal.

Social Security as it now exists is nothing more than a Ponzi scheme (named for the guy who invented it, and went to prison for fraud), also known as a pyramid scheme. It works like this: I solicit investors by promising them a return on their investment, a profit so to speak. And they are happy investors because they make money. They make money because I pay them with the money I collect from subsequent investors, whom I then pay out of the money I collect from subsequent investors, who invest because they can see that the previous investors are making money. Get it?

It works great, until I get greedy and take too big a cut for myself, or I don’t find enough new investors to keep paying all the previous investors. At that point, when those who are expecting to collect are too numerous for me to pay out of money collected from new investors, the system collapses.

Social Security works exactly the same way. People collecting today are being paid out of the taxes collected from people who are paying in today. But when the baby boomers retire, there will not be enough folks paying in to continue to finance those taking benefits out.At that point, and most estimates say it will be around 2040, the system would collapse. Except the politicians who long ago looted the “trust fund” of all actual cash (took too big a cut for themselves – remember the trash-can painting contract), and who have manipulated the system to curry support (buy votes from an aging electorate), can’t possibly let that happen. So benefits will begin to decrease, and taxes and the retirement age will increase.

Long before that point, most estimates say around 2018 or 2020, the system will begin paying out more than it takes in. Those collecting will no longer be paid by the taxes of those paying in. Additional money will be either taken from other programs or, more likely, new and ingenious federal taxes will begin to appear to generate cash. National sales tax, anyone? The only other alternative will be to begin raising the retirement age and the Social Security payroll tax at that point, not waiting until the system actually goes bankrupt.

I was for privatization when Reagan proposed it in the ‘80’s. I was for reform when Clinton supported the idea and talked about the "looming crisis" in the 90’s. And I’m for it now, when Bush supports it. But to really solve the problem, partial privatization is not the answer. The system must be phased out, those already dependent have to get a reasonable level of security (although indexing to wages rather than the cost of living is nuts and must be changed), and no new “investors” can be allowed to enter the system. Take a look at what Chile did. Look at what Slovakia has done, phasing out the welfare state that was communism.

It’s time to abolish the Ponzi scheme and move to a system that represents actual investment. I’ll leave it to the rocket scientists and actuarials to work out the details.

We're in more trouble than we thought...

2005-03-03T10:32:00.000-05:00

Received in an E-mail:

WE'RE IN MORE TROUBLE THAN WE THOUGHT!

While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the North?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, (and has for some time), she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff" . . . She also votes!

I used to work in technical support for a 24x7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I just said, "Uh, Pacific" . . . He also votes!

My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving." ... She also votes!

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car. It's designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk . . . My sister also votes!

My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount . . . He also votes!

I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?" I explained that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned. ... My friend also votes!

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?" . . She also votes!

Greenspan Calls for Social Security Reform

2005-03-02T14:25:00.000-05:00

Originally posted at GeoBandy:

As I have previously argued on this blog and elsewhere, the Social Security problem is real, and serious, and doing nothing is just not an option. But you don’t have to take my word for it. You could just ask Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan, as reported in USA TODAY:

Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan urged Congress Wednesday to move quickly to fix financing problems in Social Security and Medicare, arguing that delay will only make the country's budget problems more severe.

"The one certainty is that the resolution of the nation's unprecedented demographic challenge will require hard choices and that the future performance of the economy will depend on those choices," Greenspan told the House Budget Committee.

Not only does Greenspan’s position support the argument, repeatedly made at this site, that the demographics demand action, but he also argues, as has this site, that the private accounts endorsed by President Bush are a good idea, but only a start:

He again endorsed the key part of President Bush's Social Security plan, to set up private accounts, but he stressed that much more needed to be done to put the giant retirement program and Medicare, which he said faced even more severe financial strains, on a more sound footing.

DO NOT LISTEN to the “head-in-the-sand, no problem” liberals like Dennis Kucinich. They are full of crap, and they know it. They just hope you don’t know it. They are playing political games with our future…and our children’s future. CONTACT your congressional representatives and senators…demand that action be taken on Social Security reform.

You Didn't See This on the TV news

2005-02-26T08:37:00.000-05:00

President Bush greets members of a cheering
crowd in Slovakia on his trip to Europe. Reuters
photo from Boston Globe.Click for the full article.

Tsunami, earthquake, mudslide, flood

2005-02-24T01:47:00.000-05:00

From GeoBandy

I’ve lost count now…how many millions, public and private, will the United States be pouring into tsunami relief? Any figures yet on what we’ll be sending to Iran for this earthquake? Anybody remember how many millions we contributed after the last Iranian earthquake? Or the flooding in Bangladesh?

The Mayor of Los Angeles is requesting President Bush and Governor Schwarzenegger declare the city and county a disaster area because of flooding and mudslides.

Heard about all that aid being offered by the international community? Me neither. And where’s the U.N., just declared “indispensable to humanity” by Kofi Annan? They were quick to demand that they take over administration of the tsunami relief effort, despite the fact that their “officials” hadn’t even started holding meetings in resort hotels yet, while Australian and U.S. military forces, and USAid officials, were already operating hospitals, helicoptering supplies to remote areas and organizing relief convoys…for which the U.N. folks, miles away in a swanky hotel, tried to take credit.

But we must make allowances for the U.N. They were probably still busy trying to sort out all that emergency relief assistance they contributed to the Ohio valley flooding this winter…or maybe all worn out from their massive effort on behalf of the victims of the serial hurricanes in Florida.

Not sure whom it is that Kofi thinks would perish without the “indispensable to humanity” U.N. Oh, wait, he must mean the victims of genocide in Rwanda and Darfur. No, wait, they DID perish…and are STILL perishing in Darfur. Maybe he means the women and children of the Congo and Bosnia. No, wait, it’s the U.N. peacekeepers who are sexually abusing those folks. Wait, I’ve got it…he means France! The U.N. is indispensable to France in its efforts to continue the pretense that France is a world power. Oh yeah, and Saddam Hussein…the U.N. was indispensable to his efforts to stay in power and starve his people to death while he built palaces and stole billions from the U.N. oil-for-food program.

Aside from the Saudi prince whose check was unceremoniously returned when he said he wanted to help the 9/11 victims, but it was their own government’s fault because of its support for Israel, can you remember the last time the “international community” lifted a finger to help Americans in a time of disaster?

The international "community" is more like a family…a family of spoiled brats standing there with their hands out for their allowance while living in Dad’s basement and running their mouths about what a jerk Dad is. Maybe its time for Dad to put his wallet away and tell the children to stop taking advantage, get out of the house, and grow up.

Thank You, Thank You, Thank You

2005-02-22T09:44:00.000-05:00

Received in an e-mail:

REALLY, THANK YOU SO MUCH...PLEASE READ:

I want to thank all of you! To all my friends and family, Thank you for making me safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy by sending me your damn chain letters over the last year. Because of your concern:
* I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
* I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
* I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.
* I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
* I no longer go to movies because I could sit on a needle infected with AIDS
* I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could get pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
* I no longer want to pump my own gas - where I will either get AIDS or cause an explosion by cell phone or static.
* I no longer use cancer causing deodorants even though I smell like a wet dog on a hot day.
* I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and try to rob me.
* I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaida in disguise.
* I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops.
* I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
* I no longer eat pre-packaged foods because the estrogen's they contain will turn me gay.
* I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
* I no longer look at the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bath tub full of ice.
* I no longer have a cell phone because I don't want brain cancer.
* I no longer have any sneakers because I would hate to see all those poor kids in the sweat shops overseas suffering because I wanted a pair of Nike shoes.
* I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.
* I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.
* I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl about to die in the hospital for the 1,000,000,000th time.
* I no longer have any money but that will change once I receive the $18,624 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me since I participated in their special e-mail program.

I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me!!!Now if you DON'T send this e-mail to at least 12,000,000 of your closest friends in the next 60 seconds a large bird with diarrhea will crap on your head at exactly 5:00 PM tomorrow!!!!!!!!!HURRRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Things I've Learned About Blogging

2005-02-20T08:52:00.000-05:00

Here are a few things to think about. Take it for what it’s worth.

1. Someone, somewhere, has a record of every web site you’ve ever visited and every page you’ve ever looked at. And false names or anonymous clicks don’t make a bit of difference. Every computer has a unique IP number, or address, that gets left behind like a fingerprint on every page it touches. If you have SITEMETER on your blog, take some time and look at some of those reports in detail…drill down a level on a few entries. You’ll be shocked at how much information you collected…and you’re NOT TRYING to collect information. Think about this if you’re surfing or blogging AT WORK, because it’s just as effortless to collect this information from the user end as from the destination end.

2. It doesn’t have to be “War and Peace”. If in doubt, go ahead and post. Not that you should slap slop up on your site just to have a new post, but if you find it interesting enough to write a paragraph or two, there’s somebody else out there who will also find it interesting. This is part of the beauty – and the power – of the internet. Two people separated by thousands of miles who share a passion for pre-1979 Rubbermaid products or Sgt. Rock comic books can find each other. (and yes, I know the mag was actually “Our Army at War featuring Sgt. Rock of Easy Company”). Also, visitors are more likely to return if they find something new on a regular basis.

3. Comment. Let’s face it, most of us would blog whether anybody reads it or not. But comments can make a blogger’s day. It tells you somebody was interested enough to… well…comment… on what you had to say. It will oftentimes lead to a return visit to your site, and who knows, it could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Or not. But at any rate, be an active commenter, but don’t be a jackass about it. First, make your comment relevant to the post. You might think President Bush is a chimpanzee in a human suit, but that really has nothing to do with some blogger’s post about about the fact that not all tulip bulbs are truly perennial or the engine rebuild on his ’66 Chevy station wagon. When you leave comments that have nothing to do with the post what you’re really saying is “gee, I am so clever and everything in the world is about me.” Which is exactly the attitude of a typical five year old. Second, remember, like your mother taught you; “if you can’t say something nice…” so comment positively. That doesn’t mean your comments have to be limited to “wow, your website is awesome and this post is awesome and you must be really brilliant and your mother should be so proud.” Actually, something like “interesting post. But I have to disagree with your basic assumption because…” is also positive. “That is so stupid you obviously are an uneducated piece of trash…” is not positive. Finally, satire and sarcasm must be wielded like an artist’s brush, not a two-foot length of galvanized inch-and-a-half pipe. Don’t leave condescending comments. Ignorance and arrogance are generally directly proportional to one another.

4. Explore. If you’re on BLOGGER (Blogspot) use the “next blog” button every so often. I’ve discovered some very interesting spots that way. Of course, I’ve also discovered some stuff you couldn’t pay me to look at, and some stuff I really didn’t understand but was pretty sure I didn’t want to, anyway, and some stuff that was downright scary. Hey, not all the pebbles in the stream can be gold nuggets. Follow the links on other folks’ sites. And visit the sites of folks who leave you comments. Join Blogsnob and visit sites that pop up in the little ads. Blogroll. Link. Get yourself an aggregator and subscribe to feeds from blogs you like. Saves time going from site to site wondering if there’s anything new. I use Bloglines, but there are others out there for free, too.

5. You’re not getting paid for this. Well, most of us aren’t. OK, I’m not. Maybe you are. But I figure, if I’m not getting paid it had better be fun. So have fun with it.

The Argument Clinic

2005-02-18T13:15:00.000-05:00

Lifted in its entirety from GeoBandy

For you younger viewers, this is the classic Monty Python skit in which a man pays a fee to sit across a desk and argue with another man. The argument soon degenerates into an argument over the nature of argument: “An argument is a series of statements intended to establish a proposition.” “No it isn’t.” “It’s not simply the automatic gainsaying of anything I say.” “Yes it is.” Or something like that…it’s been a long time since I’ve seen it. But hopefully you get the gist. If you’ve never seen it, you really should. It’s hilarious.Unfortunately, it’s also an almost perfect parody of the state of political debate in the United States today.

Has political discussion become impossible in this country? The only consistency in most people’s political views these days seems to be a fierce, often ignorant, and sometimes downright stupid factional loyalty. If a Republican says, “the sky is blue”, Democrats must reply “No it isn’t.” If a Democrat says, “the sun rose this morning”, Republicans must reply “No it didn’t.”

The same people who complained that Clinton was using “the social security crisis” (and, yes, that is how he characterized it, and I agreed with him) to distract attention from the whole Lewinsky/lying under oath thing now embrace the need for social security reform. The same people who complain that Bush is a unilateralist cowboy criticize the insistence on including South Korea, Japan and China in multilateral talks with North Korea.

I know, I know, I can hear both ends of the political spectrum screaming: “But that’s different!” Yeah. Sure.Partisans don’t disagree on issues any more. Partisans just disagree. The automatic gainsaying of whatever the other says.

A number of years ago I worked as a graduate assistant with Dr. John Green, a political science professor who had emigrated from the ivy-covered halls of the Northeast to the midwest. He had identified what he referred to as the “decline in the level of civility in American society.”

This trend has become so deeply rooted in the political discourse of the nation that it is difficult to find a civil discussion anywhere. No one who disagrees with me has a different point of view anymore, they are a LIAR! Nothing happens by coincidence anymore, it is a CONSPIRACY! And no one can support an agenda with which I do not agree unless they are a NAZI! The really sad part is that the people to whom this most applies, at both ends of the spectrum, will not see themselves in this post.

They will instead recognize me as a lying Nazi engaged in a conspiracy to destroy (their vision of) the world.

2005-02-16T12:28:00.000-05:00

NEVER FORGET

A Question of Language

2005-02-16T10:04:00.000-05:00

Received in an e-mail:

A friend of mine is an officer in the naval reserve. A few weeks ago, he was attending a conference that included admirals in both the US and the French navies. At a cocktail reception, my friend found himself in a small group that included an admiral from each of the two navies.

The French admiral started complaining that whereas Europeans learned many languages, Americans only learned English. He then asked. "Why is it that we have to speak English in these conferences rather than you have to speak French?"

Without even hesitating, the American admiral replied. "Maybe it is because we arranged it so that you did not have to learn to speak German."

The Social Security Problem in a Nutshell

2005-02-13T08:25:00.000-05:00

Actually, it's simple. SS benefits are increased based on the level of increase in wages, rather than the increase in costs (inflation). In a long period of very low inflation, such as we have had since 1980, payouts to non-working people who are drawing benefits rise at the same rate as wages paid to working people, which rise faster than the cost of living. Thus, fixed-income folk who draw ss benefits can not only maintain their standard of living, they can improve it, courtesy of the taxpayers still working.

This is the result of fifty years of congressional tinkering, and it bears no relationship to social security as it was created. It's not rocket science, it not even complicated, like the politicians on both sides make it sound. People live longer and benefits rise faster than the cost of living. So people collect bigger benefits for longer periods of time. When the baby-boom generation retires, the number of people collecting bigger benefits for longer periods of time skyrockets, and the system collapses.

Or you keep raising ss taxes and raising the retirement age to keep the pyramid scheme going.

Or you start doing something NOW to address the problems.

Compare Chile's system with France and Germany.

It's just not that complicated, folks!

2005-02-12T11:37:00.000-05:00

OUR NEW BLOGGER, MJBANDY, DOES A LITTLE BACKGROUND RESEARCH BEFORE STARTING TO POST

War Between Ireland and France Averted

2005-02-10T13:40:00.000-05:00

Jacques Chirac, The French Prime Minister, was sitting in his office wondering what kind of mischief he could perpetrate against the United States when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, Mr. Chirac!", a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Paddy," Chirac replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," said Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is meself, me cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire dart team from the pub. That makes eight!"

Chirac paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have one hundred thousand men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Begorra!" said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Paddy called again. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry support equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Chirac asked.

"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."

Chirac sighed, amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to one hundred fifty thousand since we last spoke."

"Saints preserve us!" said Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."

Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on!" We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!"

Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to two hundred thousand!"

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!", said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back."

Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr.Chirac! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Chirac. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Well," said Paddy, "we've all had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and decided there's no foo-kin way we can feed two hundred thousand prisoners."

For the history buffs out there...

2005-02-10T09:02:00.000-05:00

Interested in history? Take a few minutes and check out HISTORIUM. It’s an interesting site and well worth a look.

2005-02-08T14:41:00.000-05:00

The New Europe

If Noah Built the Ark Today

2005-02-08T09:11:00.000-05:00

It is the year 2005 and Noah lives in the United States. The Lord speaks to Noah and says:
"In one year I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark."
In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark.
Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the Ark.
"Remember," said the Lord, "You must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year."
Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw Noah sitting in his front yard weeping.
"Noah." He shouted, "Where is the Ark?"
"Lord please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best but there were big problems.
First, I had to get a permit for construction and your plans did not comply with the codes.
I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans. Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and floatation devices.
Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission.
I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the US Forest Service that I needed the wood to save the owls.
However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me catch any owls. So, no owls.
The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Union. Now I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls.
When I started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard.
Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood.
They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the universe.
Then the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the proposed new flood plain. I sent them a globe.
Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not taking godless, unbelieving people aboard!
The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes.
I just got a notice from the State that I owe some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a "recreational water craft."
Finally the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it is a religious event and therefore unconstitutional.
I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another 5 or 6 years!" Noah wailed.
The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky.
Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you are not going to destroy the earth, Lord?" "No," said the Lord sadly. "The government already has "

Tax Cuts For Dummies

2005-02-02T13:33:00.000-05:00

Let's put tax cuts in terms everyone can understand. Suppose that every day, ten men go out for dinner. The bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:

* The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
* The fifth would pay $1.
* The sixth would pay $3.
* The seventh $7.
* The eighth $12.
* The ninth $18.
* The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.

So, that's what they decided to do. The ten men ate dinner in the restaurant every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve."Since you are all such good customers," he said, "I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily meal by $20."

So, now dinner for the ten only cost $80. The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes. So the first four men were unaffected. They would still eat for free. But what about the other six, the paying customers? How could they divvy up the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his 'fair share'?

The six men realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being 'PAID' to eat their meal. So, the restaurant owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay. And so:

* The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings).
* The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33% savings).
* The seventh now paid $5 instead of $7 (28% savings).
* The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).
* The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings).
* The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).

Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to eat for free.

But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings. "I only got a dollar out of the $20," declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man "but he got $10!"

"Yeah, that's right," exclaimed the fifth man. "I only saved a dollar, too. It's unfair that he got ten times more than me!"

"That's true!!" shouted the seventh man. "Why should he get $10 back when I got only $2? The wealthy get all the breaks!"

"Wait a minute," yelled the first four men in unison. "We didn't get anything at all.. The system exploits the poor!"

The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

The next night the tenth man didn't show up for dinner, so the nine sat down and ate without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!

And that, boys and girls, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up at the table anymore. There are lots of good restaurants in Europe and the Caribbean.

(Attributed to David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D., Distinguished Professor of Economics, 536 Brooks Hall, University of Georgia)

Support Social Security Reform

2005-02-01T21:13:00.000-05:00

BILL HOBBS has posted a link to an online petition supporting President Bush's Social Security reform initiative. Stop by and visit Bill's blog on your way to the petition.

Reflections on Rednecks

2005-01-31T09:33:00.000-05:00

I am not the author of this piece, but I wish I were. A friend sent it to me, without attribution, and I have no idea who deserves the credit. If YOU know where it originated, let me know.

We have enjoyed the redneck jokes for years. It's time to take a reflective look at the core beliefs of a culture that values home, family, country and God. If I had to stand before a dozen terrorists who threaten my life, I'd choose a half dozen or so rednecks to back me up.
Tire irons, squirrel guns and grit -- that's what rednecks are made of. I hope I am one of those. If you feel the same, pass this on to your redneck friends. Ya`ll know who ya are...

You might be a redneck if...

It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, "One nation, under God "
You've never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public places.
You still say "Christmas" instead of "The Holidays."
You bow your head when someone prays.
You stand and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem.
You treat Viet Nam vets with great respect, and always have.
You've never burned an American flag
You know what you believe and you aren't afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.
You respect your elders and expect your kids to do the same.
You'd give your last dollar to a friend.

2005-01-28T11:01:00.000-05:00

The REAL cause of global warming