Wednesday, March 16, 2005

It's O.K. ... we're actually Irish ourselves

There's a German, Scotsman and Irishman at a bar after work. Each has a full pint. 3 flies buzz into the bar and all of a sudden land in each of their beers. The German is fuming mad - "No way I drink this! Disgusting!" as he pushes the pint away.The Scotsman thinks for a minute, "ach, it ain't that bad. Ye jist pull oot the wee nipper like this...there ya go, fine as dandy." and proceeds to take a swig.The Irishmen is also mad, he plucks the fly out by its wings, holds it over the pint and yells, "Spit it out ya Bastard, spit it out!!!"


Two Irishmen, Patrick & Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.

Without giving much thought to the matter, Patrick blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into Guinness Beer!" The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished.

Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances. Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke: “Nice going Patrick! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat!”


A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why of course," comes the reply. The first man then asks: "Where are you from?" "I'm from Ireland," replies the second man. The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland." "Of Course," replies the second man. Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?" "Dublin," comes the reply. "I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin.""Of course," replies the second man. Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?" "Saint Mary's," replies the second man. "I graduated in '65." "This is unbelievable!," the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '65, too!" About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's been going on?," he asks the bartender. "Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."


At 11:04 AM, Blogger Joe said...

Great Irish jokes. Ya gotta be a wee bit tipsy to get the last one tho. Kidding.

Peace and an irish jig, to ya.


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